"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
