id be glad to
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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