found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
