So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
