sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
