Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Barsexuality is the new black.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
