I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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