i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
