We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
