Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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