I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
