Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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