I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
