watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
