Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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