He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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