I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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