Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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