i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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