If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
