since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
