Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
