Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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