Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
someone owes me an orgasm
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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