My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
