I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
