If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
