Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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