forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
