Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
