I'm eating all of the evidence.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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