We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
