totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
