Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
