My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
