My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize