which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
