May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
