I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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