it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
