Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize