we made out on top of his cat.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
