He told me they were just razor bumps!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize