My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
