i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
