Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
