I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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