Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Can I color on your dick again?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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