life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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