Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
