Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize