Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
