He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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