Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
