Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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