Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
