you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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