I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
