Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize