so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
