But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
