He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
