Having a random hookup so left but love u
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
