You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
