So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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