so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Randomize