Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
